Sometimes, what you don’t do is just as important as what you do when caring for elderly parents.
Senior adults need to feel dignified. Dignity refers to a person’s sense of worth and is a human right. It includes:
- Freedom from abuse
- Not being discriminated against
- Autonomy
- Contribution to policies and communities
Parents may have new needs as they age. Adult children can help support healthier aging by being able to provide the best care for their parents, as well as knowing how to give them what they want and what they don’t need.
These are the five mistakes you should avoid when caring for elderly parents.
1. Conflict
Conflict can slow down aging as adults reach their older years. Studies found that the top five regrets for adults aged 90-99 revolved around relationship failures. It was the most common regret that parents did not build closer relationships with their children.
Sometimes conflict is inevitable. You can avoid conflict by being aware of the risks associated with changing relationships. We recommend:
- Discuss with your parents how you want to age.
- Allow parents to make as many of decisions as possible
- Positive thinking is key
You might consider treating your elderly parent the same way you would treat a friend. It’s important to remember to be respectful of your parents and avoid conflict during times like these. This will allow your parents to feel empowered and supported as they go through this journey.
2. Unreasonable Expectations
Over-expecting your aging parents can cause conflict. This can cause conflict in your relationships, and it can make you angry and resentful.
If you set unrealistic expectations for your senior parents, it can cause them to feel disappointed. They may feel pressured to live up to your expectations.
Only you are in control of your actions. It’s better for your parents as well as for you to let go of expectations.
Are you asking too much of your parents? Consider the following:
- They make you feel disappointed by your actions
- When things don’t go according to plan, you get stressed.
- Don’t let the smallest details get in your way
Consider how aging may affect your parents. You may expect your parent will do something or act in a certain manner, but they do not. This could be due to aging.
If it is relevant, you can offer your assistance. You might offer to hire a housekeeper or to help them move to an assisted living community.
3. Mandates & Orders
Senior parents want to be independent. You can make them feel like a child even if they are their caregiver. This can lead to bitterness and animosity.
According to a study in 2020, a higher sense of control can be a sign of successful aging.
- Greater life satisfaction
- Positive views on adulthood
- Positive and negative effects are more common
- Fewer depressive symptoms
Avoid telling aging parents what they should do, or forcing them to solve problems. Make decision-making a team effort whenever possible. Respect your parents as an independent adults, unless their safety is at risk.
4. Be skeptical
It’s important to acknowledge that your parents might need assistance. However, it is also important not to make assumptions about their needs.
Any relationship can suffer from a lack of trust and confidence. This includes your relationship with your parents.
Talk to your parent if you have questions about what they are telling you. Respectful, open communication is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of your parent’s behavior.
Aging parents want to believe that you are honest with them. They want to feel that you are in their best interest and won’t put them in bad situations.
It is important to communicate openly with your parents in order to show them that you trust them. When helping your parents solve problems or find solutions, it’s important to include them in the decision-making process.
5. Judgment
Ageism poses a serious threat to our health. Over 65% of older adults had been exposed to ageist messages daily. Older adults who had experienced at least three forms of everyday ageism in their lives were more likely to have poor mental and physical health than those who had less.
Adult children and caregivers must be inclusive, respectful, and empowered to combat ageism. Adult caregivers should not criticize an older adult’s inability to do something or for their decline in one area.
When interacting with older adults, caregivers should not assume inability and be condescending. Before making a judgment about an older person, observe and ask questions.
How to Help When You Need It
Adults who wish to maintain positive relationships with their elderly parents, but are having trouble being caregivers, may want to have a chat. There are many senior lifestyle options that offer safety, security and health. Let us help, call Grande Cypress Assisted Living today!
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